How to Talk About Money in Relationships

How to Talk About Money in Relationships

Love needs honesty. And money is part of honesty.

Fatima A., Abuja resident

Money doesn’t ruin relationships. Silence does.
Assumptions do.
That quiet resentment you swallow when you cover the bills again.
That fear of looking “broke” so you borrow money just to impress them.

We grow up thinking love should be enough. That if the feelings are strong, the finances will figure themselves out.

But they don’t.
Love without communication is a gamble.
Love without financial clarity is a time bomb.

So whether you’re just dating or already married, here’s how to talk about money, gently, honestly, and without turning your relationship into a courtroom.

1. Start Early, But Keep It Simple

You don’t need to pull out spreadsheets on the second date.
But you can start with light, honest conversations:

• “Do you believe in joint savings or keeping things separate?”

• “How do you usually handle unexpected expenses?”

• “What’s your relationship with money like?”

Ask with curiosity, not judgment. The goal is to understand, not control.

2. Speak From Your Story, Not Your Frustration

Instead of saying:

• “You’re always wasting money”

• “You don’t know how to plan”

Try:

• “Growing up, I saw my parents fight about money a lot. I promised myself I’d do things differently.”

• “Money makes me anxious sometimes, especially when I feel like I’m the only one planning.”

This opens the door for compassion, not defense.

3. Set Shared Goals, Even If They’re Small

Money talks become easier when they’re tied to something you both care about.

• A vacation you’re saving for

• A new apartment you’re eyeing

• A wedding you want to plan debt-free

Shared dreams create shared discipline.

4. Don’t Hide the Hard Stuff

If you have debt, say it.
If you’re struggling, say it.
If you feel stretched by black tax or family expectations, explain it.

Pretending to be rich for love will only break you silently.
You deserve someone who chooses you with full awareness, not filtered impressions.

5. Talk About Roles... Not Gender Roles

Who pays for what?
Who manages the budget?
What does financial “respect” look like for each of you?

Don’t assume. Don’t copy what your friends are doing.
Design your own rules, based on your real incomes, strengths, and values.

6. Keep Checking In... Life Changes

Maybe your partner lost their job. Maybe you just got a raise. Maybe you’re expecting a child.
The money talk isn’t one conversation. It’s a series.
Check in monthly. Revisit your goals. Reaffirm your boundaries.

Final Words

Love is beautiful. But money touches everything, the home, the decisions, the peace.
Talking about it doesn’t make you materialistic.
It makes you responsible. It makes you honest.
And honesty is how love survives real life.

So sit down. Have the conversation.
Not with shame. Not with fear.
But with care.

Because love should feel safe, and so should your money.