The Black Tax Nobody Talks About

The Black Tax Nobody Talks About

Supporting your people shouldn’t feel like punishment. But no one taught us balance.

Philomena J., Abuja based entrepreneur

It’s the middle of the month and your cousin just messaged you. “Anything for the boys?”
Your younger brother needs school fees.
Your aunt is sick.
Your parents need something small to patch the generator.

You look at your bank balance.
It’s already low.
But your heart? It can’t ignore the request.
So you send the money, again.

This is what many Nigerians call the Black Tax.
The quiet expectation that, once you start earning, you’re now the family’s financial backup plan.
It’s unspoken, but deeply felt.
And most people carry it alone, silently breaking under the weight.

1. The Guilt is Real, and You’re Not Weak for Feeling It

You love your people. You want to help.
So when you can’t, or don’t want to, guilt creeps in.

Guilt tells you that you’re selfish.
That you’ve forgotten where you came from.
That if you say no, you’re wicked.

But hear this clearly:
You are allowed to protect your peace, even while helping others.

2. You Didn’t Sign a Contract... You Inherited a System

Many of us didn’t choose this.
We didn’t wake up and say, “Let me carry my whole family’s struggle.”

It just happened.
One request at a time.
One small favour that became expected.
One alert that became routine.

You’re not weak for feeling overwhelmed.
You were never trained for this. Nobody taught you how to give without draining.

3. Set Limits... Not Out of Stinginess, But Survival

If you keep giving until you’re empty, everyone loses.
Including the people you’re trying to help.

Start setting soft boundaries:

• “Let me check my budget and get back to you.”

• “I’m doing monthly support now, not weekly.”

• “I can’t help this time, but I’ll try again next month.”

It may feel hard at first, but boundaries are love with direction.

4. Build a “Support Budget” Into Your Life

Instead of reacting to every request, plan for them.
If you earn ₦100,000 and know your family might ask for help, set aside ₦5,000 or ₦10,000.

That way, you’re not caught off guard.
You give from a place of planning, not panic.

5. Say No Without Shame

You are not bad for saying no.
You are not ungrateful.
You are not proud.

Sometimes, the most generous thing you can do is to fix your own life first, so you can truly support people later, not just patch holes.

6. You Can’t Fix Generational Poverty Alone

This is the hard part.
No matter how much you give, you can’t change everything.
You can’t be the rescue plan for generations of broken systems.
All you can do is your best, with care, with boundaries, and with truth.

Final Words

Being the “one who made it” is both a blessing and a burden.
And the weight of that identity is something few people talk about.

But here’s what I know:
You can still be generous, even with limits.
You can love deeply, and say no with respect.
You can support your family, without losing yourself in the process.

You don’t have to carry everything alone.
You’re not supposed to.